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It's Amazing

I was just updating my cover photo over on FB; and, it really brought it home how much I censor myself on there because of my family. Oh, I have no doubt they love me; but, there are many in my family that are so dogmatic and rigid in their line of belief that...well - yeah.

The funny thing is, the images I was considering posting weren't "all that". However, it would 'rub it in their faces' that I'm not exactly walking to the same drummer they are.

I wonder how many other decisions I make that are subconsciously restricting me from pursuing my goals, dreams, desires, etc because of those in my life? If I had a full blown change of the guard, how drastically would my life change? If I didn't worry about other's opinions at all, not even a bit...if I didn't worry about hurt feelings or negative impact on those around me...what changes would I implement in my life to be who I really am, rather that who I have to be to please/not-hurt those in my life?

A question I'll have to give some serious thought.

Of Temper Tantrums and Grown Women

cancunOk...so maybe I haven't been having a full blown temper tantrum; but, I've sure been doing a spectacular job of pouting since March. I've had some great things happen along the way; yet, I seem determined to keep that lower lip stuck out and a chip on my shoulder.

Me and JoeIn August, I went to Cancun, met with awesome people and totally had a blast. Came back home and proceeded to pout full bore again. Desperately not wanting to be here; and, seriously missing people in my life who mean a lot to me.

In the last couple of weeks, I've kicked my own arse quite hard and booted myself out the door a time or two. Getting out regularly to shoot darts was one of my goals - even if the guys rope me into playing pool with them (I completely suck at pool, btw). They are a good group of people.

Then getting out to some of the clubs around and listening to bands (awesome blues band was playing up in Santa Rosa the other night...loved it!). Basically, getting back to having an actual life. I still completely deep dive my books (last night I was up WAY too late reading and am totally paying for it today) and my movies. But, I'm back to being out and about regularly, too.

knittingYes, I'm still digging around for ways back East. Yes, I would prefer to be closer to the people I love. But, I've decided the time for the pouting and the temper tantrum has passed. I need to step up and put on my big girl panties and just deal with the reality of the situation. For the time being, I am where I am. Those I love are where they are (though they could come visit/stay). And, until that changes, I have to make the most of it.

And, if those I love fade away over time due to the distance...well...it won't be because I didn't try to keep in touch, and let them know how much they meant. I love each and every one of them...and, I miss them all dearly. I know I am loved as well. Some just handle distance better than others.

Dad, Mom, Jaz, Joe, Julia (and family), Debbie, Gordon, Kate, Kess, Liz, Suna, Frank, Dodie...the list continues...you are all special, wonderful, and very dear to me. And, I miss you...very, very much.

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Bummer

The job I was pretty sure I had in the bag just fell through.

At least I still have a lot of submissions out there. I'll get more out there tonight when I get home.

School starts up again on the 5th of October. I'm going to be too busy to even begin to think straight! Three classes over an 8 week accelerated period. At least it will be good to have the degree...now to find time to squeeze some certifications in, too...

Loki's HOME!

A coworker had agreed to go with me at lunch today to post flyers about Loki missing. So, we printed them out, got the tape guns and staplers and set off.

As we turned into my neighbourhood, I saw a neon pink flyer up on a post...my neighbourhood is generally flyer-free, so it seriously caught my attention. I slowed down to read it, and it said: "Loki Found cell XXXXXXXXX home XXXXXXXXX"...I was so happy I was shaking and sniffling and could hardly dial the numbers.

He had been found wandering not 800 yards from home. The kind people had taken him in (he was playing with their dogs in the backyard when I showed up) and given him a place for the night. I couldn't be more grateful or thankful for the wonderful people in my neighbourhood.

Loki is missing



And I'm falling apart.

I've submitted an add to LA Times and OC Register. I've driven all over the neighborhood and I've found a good photo of him to work up into a flyer tomorrow at work to print out (about 200 I'm thinking). He's had the entire day to get wherever it is he's wanted to go.

The animal shelter hasn't had him show up. The ocpetinfo.com site doesn't show him, yet. The vet across the road hasn't had an emergency drop off. I haven't seen his body on the side of the road.

So I'm hoping and praying and crying and falling apart.

I hope the LJ community here for OC will approve me so I can post about him missing - if they allow that kind of thing.

The other two pups are still here at home - only Loki is gone. I don't know where he's gone, when he left or what else I can do. I'm falling apart. He's my baby...I've had him 11 years - 12 years next month...and now he's gone.
Quoted from: http://news8austin.com/content/top_stories/default.asp?ArID=204471
Round Rock police shoot, kill [naked] man in disputeCollapse )

I don't care how you slice it.

There is no way in hell that a naked man could over power three - count them THREE - grown men. Not only that, but these men had pepper spray as well. I guarantee you - that spray on the privates or in the eyes - or both, for fuck's sake - would have completely incapacitated the man.

This man had no deadly weapons on him of any sort other than his own body. Not even a place to conceal one, unless he planned to shit out a gun/knife. What call did these officers have to shoot?

This is not a case of excessive force...this is a case of homicide...pure and simple. These officers were not in fear of their life. At most, they were worried about black eyes, broken noses and ripped uniforms.

I should sure as hell hope they are on administrative leave and I hope to all that's holy that they stand trial for murder. It sure as hell wasn't manslaughter. The NAKED man was shot several times...that's not unintentional act of homicide...that's a freaking "let me kill this dude" act of homicide. And there is no way in hell they could even begin to justify emotional duress...this is part of their JOB...to be cool in emotionally hot situations.

And if we can't trust our officers with their guns...Shooting in defense of your life or when absolutely necessary I can fully support. Slaughtering a NAKED MAN? They better get more than a stupid slap on the wrist.

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Status at the End of the Universe

Life has been moving on its merry way.

The Solstice brought about a lot of changes for me in some ways, and not so many in others.

My poor baby, Bartleby, had all but 4 teeth removed and is on a series of antibiotics to finally kill off the last of the infections he's been dealing with. This will be the last bit of work he needs done for quite some time, I hope. He has congestive heart failure, and I have been warned that he has a serious murmur because of it. He's been much more alive and perky since his surgery, though; and, I hope to keep him as comfortable and happy as possible. Poor thing deserves that.

Work is rolling along. Never know from one day to the next exactly how stable the position is, but I enjoy my job and the people I work with...and I'll ride it out for as long as it lasts.

Knitting is actually moving along at a very slow pace, though my insane size 2 needle log cabin blanket is actually moving along nicely. I have decided to start on a smoke grey mohair Flower Basket shawl. Which actually looks a lot like this one, at this point in time. Im hoping it turns out as nice as I envision it. Once I complete it, I think I will make another Kiri shawl. I really enjoyed making the last one and it turned out so nice with the fringe and all, I can't see not making another. Maybe in a nice, green colour.

I managed to snag a closed beta key for Warhammer Online and am just waiting for the email to kick it into activation so I can try out the new MMO. I'm not sure it will be all that...but I'm cautiously optimistic. We'll see.

I've been making myself cut back on in game time to spend more time with my dogs and my yard and real life in general. It's easy, when real life weighs you down, to disappear into the digital world. While you can successfully ignore life's catastrophes that way...it's also a good way of throwing away your life, if you aren't careful. So I'm trying to make sure that I get time away from the machines for a bit.

Part of that is actually showing itself in the fact that I am going to a party - yeah, yeah, don't fall over in shock - this Saturday, if all the stars and planets align. I will know exactly 3 people there. I will feel completely and totally out of place and I doubt I will stay long...but I'm making the effort to leave my house. It's a huge effort for me. I've gotten to where the only place I want to go if I'm not in my house is somewhere isolated (on my bike or the caverns or whatever). I've found myself more and more avoiding people...and that's just not a good thing...so, I'm making an effort. We'll see how it goes. *grimace*

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Protesters interrupted the first-ever Hindu prayer in the US Senate. Officers removed the three and charged them.

India Times Reports

Freep Reports




*sighs* The stupidity of the holier-than-thou club.

And Christians wonder why they get such a bad rap.

Do you know....there was this group I used to meet with. We'd hang out at a book store and discuss various new books, religious opinions, have small debates and such...and it was really cool. We learned about each other's positions, opened our minds to view other's way of thinking (even if we disagreed, personally), and otherwise got glimpses into places we'd never have seen otherwise. We'd even get the rare *gasp* Christian who would join us. Most of the people there were Hindu, Wiccan, Hermetic, Tantric, etc (you know "fringe" groups I guess is how the religious right would like to think of them)...

Well, it was not unusual for this group of "Christians" to come, circle around us, pray loudly so that we could not hear ourselves in our discussion, and then spend the rest of the time telling us how we were all going to hell. Only once have I ever been spit upon - and that flat out made me a non-happy person...Irony wouldn't you say?

The people who supposedly follow a man who would break bread with the sinners, who got more angry at those claiming to follow G-d and yet making a profit off of the religious requirements* (boy did he throw a fit over that one) than off of the sinners he broke bread with who knew no better. The man who would chastise his followers telling them "those of you without sin cast the first stone"**....Deep, deep irony.

Not saying all Christians are this way...unfortunately, the ones you see most predominantly are. The true Christians live their life the way the person they follow lived his. They remember the Parable of the Weeds***...they get it. Those Christians...those I have respect for. I just wish they were the majority.

* (Matthew 21:12-13; Mark 11:15-18; John 2:13-16)
** (John 8:7)
*** (Matthew 13:24-29)

Hindu to Open Senate with Prayer

So, I get this "alert" from the AFA. By everything that's holy, I have no idea how I wound up on their list. They send this horrified email, screeching about how we need to stop this now!! They beg me to go to this link and send an email to my Senator telling them how horrified I am....

I'm a little surprised they still open with prayer, all things considered. You know, the whole separation of church and state. Though, I can honestly say that it doesn't bother me. Particularly if they are opening the "tolerance gates" on the dam of people's thought process. Hell, take time and let an Agnostic/Atheist give a little talk, even. Everyone deserves this inherent right...to believe as their hearts and souls dictate...even when that dictate is non-belief.

Can you see where this is going?

I thought you could.

Yup, I clicked on that little link.

And, I sent an email (that will not be read, I'm sure) to my Senator.

And....this is what it said:



Dear Senator,

I am strongly encouraged in the U.S. Senate’s decision to invite a Hindu to open the session with prayer.

I am uplifted by the broadening of American minds to accept the reality that other religions exist in concert with Christianity and that every man, woman and child on this planet has an inherent right to their religion.

In a time of great disappointment for choices made by our leadership - I am grateful that there is this one bright spot. Tolerance of religious beliefs - it's what so many of our forefathers sought when they came to this land; and, it touches me deeply to see that this one, small step is being taken to acknowledge that not all of the hopes of our forefathers were in vain.

There is hope for this nation when one, small step like this can be made. Maybe they are baby steps - and maybe they won't counteract the giant leaps in other directions that teeter us on the edge of totalitarianism. However, the hope that one, small light in the darkness can bring is phenomenal.

We are one people. We are one nation. Our differences should strengthen us, not weaken us...and the Senate's ability to acknowledge this and support it - it makes this one American very thankful.

~K

Another day in the life

There really is not a whole lot going on in my life, right now, outside of the norm.

Get up
play with the dogs
scramble to get ready
crate the dogs
ignore the whining and howling of the dogs getting used to being crated
scoot out the door
battle through traffic*
stumble in the door to work
sit down
....
get up
stumble out the door to home
play with the dogs
eat (if I remember)
toss a load in the washer
log in to WoW and play
afk to change clothes to drier (play with dogs on the way)
play some more
read some email while playing
watch a movie while playing
realize it's bed time
run the dogs outside and ride herd on them until they've clearly done their business
pile into bed
pass out
....

rinse
repeat


Yeah, my days are getting horribly predictable.

Well, except for the occassional curveball I throw myself - like running up to Brownwood cuz I can. Or hightailing it to Anaheim. Or visiting with my son. Or going to the coast for a weekend. Or highjacking a friend and going to the park and watching her dogs and mine terrorize everyone in the vacinity.

But

For the most part...yeah...I have my ritualistic, little scenario that I go through every day.

It's almost comforting.

While I would like to have a relationship...would like to have someone to come home to and share my life with....

Honestly?

I'm comfy as I am, as well.

I like me. I like my days. I love my dogs and love it when my son drops by to visit.

I get to spend time with real life friends who are nowhere near me any longer. I get to entertain myself for hours on end for much less than it would cost me to do many other things (and cost is a huge issue right now)...and, overall, it's a quiet, enjoyable way to blow an evening.

*I knit while on my way to work. Pull up to a red light - out comes the knitting. It turns green, down goes the knitting. I get a surprising amount of knitting done in the scant 8 miles it takes to get from my door to the parking garage at work. Let's not forget all the time eating dirt in my games waiting for life to be restored to my mutilated corpse....that's premium knitting time, my friend!

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